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I
WAS LAST SEEN WEARING: THIS
If your child is actually kidnaped while wearing
this, I’m sorry, but I’ll be laughing so hard I’ll never give
it back.
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I'M
THIS MANY
When
your baby turns two it can use both hands. And when your baby
turns three it should be old enough to say "fuck
you."
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I
SPENT 9 MONTHS IN THE HOLE
I thought I could escape by digging a tunnel out
the back, but it smelled like shit and a black snake was
trying to break IN.
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PLAYGROUND PIMP
Your baby is the baddest ass in the
sandbox...get him this baby t-shirt and he'll be pulling all
the baby bitches.
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THEY SHAKE ME!
Shut your baby mouth and stop complaining. At
least your father/mother is not Michael Jackson.
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I
CAN KICK YOUR BABY'S ASS
In Ecuador they actually hold "baby brawls".
It's kind of like cock fighting, only a lot less cock and a
lot more baby talk.
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HUNG LIKE A FIVE YEAR
OLD
Allow
5-year-olds some privacy in the toilet. Remind them to wash
their hands, feet, and tails until it becomes a habit.
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DADDY'S LIL'
SQUIRT
Remember
when your precious, bundle of joy was just a sticky, little
puddle of goo who almost ended up on your chin?
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MOMMY DRINKS BECAUSE I
CRY
Now mommy can
drink her life away, too! Yes, drink away her dreams. She has
one more day to fill our hearts with screams.
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DADDY DRINKS BECAUSE I
CRY
My daddy
drinks his life away. He drinks away his dreams. Mommy says
just one more day, and fills our hearts with
screams.
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I
TORE MOMMY A NEW ONE
My toddler and I cut out pictures and designs
and make beautiful cards, and place settings.
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I
ATE MY TWIN
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen ate their fraternal
triplet Steve.
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ALL
MOMMY WANTED WAS A BACKRUB
Don't be afraid to use other parts of your body
than just your hands for variety. I've had great success using
my eyebrows.
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I
ENJOY A GOOD SPANKING
Some babies like it rough. The leading baby
shirt in the states of New York, California and 49 of the
other 50 states.
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"F"
THE GERBER BABY
The original Gerber Baby is now at the
Betty
Ford Clinic, hooked on a $500 a day strained peas
habit.
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ARE
YOU MY DADDY?
Rap
Stars, Basketball Players, Rock Stars, The Baldwin Brothers:
(the top 4 groups accounting for nearly 97% of all the world's
bastards as reported by TIME magazine).
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CUTER THAN BABY
JESUS
And she
gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in
cloths, and laid Him in a manger, ugly little
bastard.
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